Bullet Odyssey

The bullet started in 3 kicks yesterday, forgot to close choke then and so she got rich and then didn't start once we reached the petrol pump. But thankfully wasn't embarassing coz even the pump guys had to kick quite a bit before she started. And I was proud of the fact that I recognised the problem. :)

But then she didn't start today morning again. Wonder if it was the cold. Tried choke and all except for the idling. 20 minutes of kicking and 3 suggestions from Mom on asking neighbour boy for help saw me take an auto to Pallavi's house.

However good fun was my Mom trying to kick start and I was like wait I'll tell u how, coz it kicks back and I was worried that she would get hurt but she was like I know let me try. Well didn't start.
Then Granny saw me holding the back rest while kicking so she thought its some kind of thing done to keep the bike stable so she went at the back and put full strength and said I'm holding now u kick.
Comet all this while was giving the bike funny looks coz the engine was not catching and only making half thump sounds and he was waiting for the exaust to start pulsing (he enjoys the rush of air, or maybe petrol fumes are his kick factor :D).
The ultimate though was my Granny saying she will try kicking. She stood on the kicker and put full force, kicker didn't move an inch.

Thats my morning adventure for u... Full pissed... will need to have a talk with Faakira today evening :) This behaviour is unacceptable.

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I Don't Belong...

Ever felt you don't belong... doesn't matter where, its just I don't belong...
Had gone home yesterday to spent that night at Mom's place. Felt so distant, as if am in some strange place. It didn't feel like home. It should have, after all its my Mom's place, the house I grew up in, so many memories and I was feeling so detached. Sleep eluded me the way it does in new places. Felt so out of place. Just wanted to go home.
But then where I live isn't home either. Its just a house I go to to sleep and rest.
This isn't the first time I felt this way, its happened before a lot of times just that I never thought about it.
The times I met someone and felt out of place, the times with friends I have questioned what the heck was I doing there. Innumerable instances of just feeling all alone in a crowd. When everything seems so distant or its just you being distanced from it all.
Like your a third person in the entire drama of things. A silence spectator while the play unfolds.
And am left with questions - who am I? where do I belong?
Do I even belong...

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Promiscuous v/s Slut

*** Strong opinions expressed here on. If your not the kind to tolerate opinions stop here, go no further. If not read on and enjoi... Any offence taken is your problem not mine ;) ***

The Hindu yesterday talked about virginity and pre-marital sex. The journalist wrote about the recent hype about it all when a celebrity spoke about it. A celebrity speaking about such topics is taboo but we common people can (a point made by the journalist) and so am gonna do just that.

Virginity - is not Dignity... It is just lack of Opportunity. :). We said this in college but in India is it true? India, a country where your virginity is meant only for that man you marry. There is so much stress laid on this. Girls while growing up are restricted from playing games considered rough, no stretching too much, no riding boy’s cycles etc all to protect the hymen. I've heard of castes and families where the bed is checked after the first night when you get married for traces of blood and if not found then there are dire consequences. Over heard boys discuss to end about how you would check if the women is a virgin.

Its scientifically proven that the hymen can break with out real physical exertion. It could be a fall or injury. Its also proven that the hymen breaking may not produce blood immediately or it may be so negligible that it wouldn't stain. Or the man just didn't manage to break it (didn't do a good job of it, I'd say :D). So what does all this mean?
Does it mean the woman is not a virgin?

What is virginity? Is it a state of purity (someone please define pure?)? Is it a gift you give that one man? Is it just a membrane? Is it a state of mind and body? Or is it something created by men to curb freedom of women?

Virginity belongs to women and if its yours then isn't it your right to decided what you wanna do about it. So its for me to decide whether to save it or give it away. Actually, its not something to give. Virginity is not then just the hymen. Its about your mind, the way you think, the way you feel. If your not a virgin does that mean your not a nice person?

And then follows the taboo topic of sex. Hmmm... physical needs are the same for men and women so then why can't a woman be sexually active? Why is a sexually active man called promiscuous? And a sexually active woman a slut?

To think about it women most often (leaving out exceptions) would have sex with a man they feel something for (and the feeling is not lust). To women sex is an intimate part of a relationship. Women would move into a sexually intimate mode at a later stage of a relationship. Women are unlikely to just sleep around. For men on the other hand the feeling most often is lust. To men the number of women they have 'had' (I personally feel slept with is a better word) is an achievement. They can't wait to lose their virginity and anyone (as long as she's of the female species) would do. The ones that follow the first are a learning experience. Soon they lose count too. And yet women are called sluts?

Ok, truthfully the above paragraph might have been a bit strong but I do feel passionately about it. Isn't it two-faced to sleep around yourself but expect to get married to a virgin ? Don't the rights apply equally to both sexes? Agreed that the risks are higher for women but then women know about protection too. So why should the fun be only for men?
Hmmm maybe that’s not my question... All I wanna know is why the difference between the way you view a man and a woman?

Maybe it’s about rights or respect, even self-respect... It’s about respecting others rights and choices. And finally respecting your own choices. Not sure, its something I’ve thought about for sometime and the answer is not satisfactory yet. Wonder what it actually is…

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Kannada Gottu Nimmage...

This is an argument I have had for sometime now with quite a few people. It’s about the situation not in one state but quite a few in India. People for a long time have asked me why after spending 25 years in Karnataka (Bangalore to be precise) I have not learnt Kannada completely. Yes I agree I haven't. Well am linguistically challenged and have been in an environment where people around me spoke languages that I spoke so there was never a need to learn another. When I reached college I learnt a bit of Kannada to survive in buses and autos. Yeah I have learnt more over time but can't speak proficiently yet.

People always said if you're a Kannadiga by place of birth then you should speak Kannada. Or, since you live in Bangalore then you must speak the language. Now the question I have had for ages - how many people speak Hindi in India (in each state respectively)? Do they realize they live in India and their respective state is a part of India and hence they should speak its language? If it is important to speak the state language, isn't it more important to speak the national language?

Everyday I speak to at least one person who speaks only Kannada, who never thought about learning Hindi. I struggle to explain myself to this person in the little of Kannada I know. In the end the result is that am not sure that person understood what I was trying to say. Am left hoping the outcome of our conversation will be the required result. How do you explain the minute issues you have with your bike or electronic goods in bits and pieces of Kannada? If you went to Tamil Naidu, they will refuse to understand you in another language. You must and should speak Tamil. It’s not about making an outsider comfortable but about making your own countryman and alien in his/her own country.

In Bangalore sometime years ago (and still on) there was a drive made by a certain group to convert all to Kannada. All hoardings had to be in Kannada, all shop names had to be in Kannada, it was an all Kannada drive. They finally relented but only to the point that you could also have English and other languages but Kannada was a must. You will still see some English hoardings and shop names etc. that are being vandalised by these pro-kannada activists.

Recently there was a drive to have more people watch Kanaka movies. Great idea I would say, so then what do you think you would do to achieve that? More advertisements or promote Kanaka movies. Ahh... but no this wasn't done. What did happen was all English and Hindi movies release was delayed by 3 or so weeks. This led to hardly any movies showing in these languages. All of this just to get people to promote Kannada.

Now this is not a phenomenon only in the South but across the country. In each state a different language is spoken and any other language is appreciated. Everyone seems to be in this mode (pride maybe a better word) that my language is better and to be protected. Are we not people of the same country, so what if there is a difference in language and culture? Why do we a lot of times first describe ourselves according to our state then our country.

Yes I agree that if you did look across the country there is not language that is common, including Hindi. English yes is quite common but that’s an international language. Do we not need a language that brings us all together? A language that is understood no matter where you go and no matter the language of the state. This would mean every Indian can communicate with the others with a barrier.

Hindi is our national language but also a language that already has its roots. It’s taught in most schools across the country as a second or third language. And if Hindi can link us all, if Hindi can be a link language, then why not? Why this barrier towards Hindi?

Why not open our minds to a unified language, the space and gaps reduce between people when we can communicate. Yes, it’s good to have diversity in people and languages but must we not be united too...

*** All views expressed belong only to ME and no offence is meant to anyone.

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Chains of responsibility

Life has some amazing twists. The chains of responsibility around the heart are so heavy... Somehow the hearts desires can't escape these.

Its your resposibility to pay for this, its your responsibility to be there for them, its your responsibilty to suceed (after all so much was invested in this), the house is your responsibility, the kitchen is your responsibility, the kids are your responsibility, fulfilling all their dreams are your resposibility...

Yeah but what of your dreams. Where did they all go in this? Do you not have a right to follow your heart. Why are you always tied down into a role cause its a requirement?

Oh, you could break it all and just leave. But it takes a lot to break those hearts. To watch them look at you acusing that all that happened is again your resposibility. Why can't they just let you be? Why always have you make these choices? What if they just didn't expect anything out of you?

How do you make the choice between your dreams and their dreams? And what would you chose? Its after all a choice between your heart and your family.

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Pay to Volunteer...

Have been looking up some organisations on the internet to do volunteer work with. Noticed something really funny. To do volunteer work you have to pay!!!

Seems so inhumane (for want of a better word) to ask someone to volunteer to help and pay for it also :) Maybe its because of the foreigners who come to help here in India and think they are doing a great job, well yeah they are, but its wrong to think that they are doing a great job just coz its in a so called Third World Country.

These are the people who pay to serve coz they can't help people in their own countries and wouldn't be able to even if they paid there. So they come here and these organisations make money out of them.

But then what happens to someone in India who may want to help and serve people. Why should they pay for this oppurtinity to help their fellow countrymen? Is it right to charge for these services? Is there now a price for humanitarian behaviour? Where are we going with this? Will this become our culture? What will happen to all we were taught as children, to help all the needy and all of that? Would we still help if we had to pay to help?

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Tests

Saw the doc and he asked me to take some tests. Gave the tests in on Thursday. The test results have come out and its all normal... yepieee...
The fever too seems better, didn't have any last night. :)

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